Over the past several decades, gay people have seen a
significant increase in acceptance of their cause. It has almost become trendy
to be gay, much to the dismay of those following more traditional paths. It is
understandable that gays would demand acceptance and that people would start to
give that acceptance, in a time such as this, when many people are abandoning
the traditional path of marriage first, then sex, then children. More couples than
ever live together in a sexual relationship and even have children without
marriage. People have come to accept many non-traditional sexual relations as
normal or at least “none of my business.” So the current pattern and trend
regarding gay people is quite understandable; perhaps it could have been
predicted.
For the traditional marriage-before-sex, male-female marriage
proponents, however, this has created quite a dilemma. They can hardly speak of
homosexuality as wrong or sinful without being accused of condemning—even
hating—people. So here is an opportunity to pursue truth. If someone says that
it is wrong to steal from a store, does that automatically imply that he hates
or condemns the person who stole? Not hardly. It is only a statement about the
behavior, not the person.
While some people don’t attempt to distinguish between the
behavior and the person, it seems that gay activists and proponents have
successfully established new definitions that make it difficult to talk of
behaviors without also appearing to condemn people. Three troublesome
definitions or attitudes in particular seem prevalent. One is that being gay is
part of a person’s identity. Another is that “gay” is used to describe the
whole spectrum of same-sex issues. The last of these is the idea that sex and
love are indistinguishable.
Identity.
What is identity? Identity includes those things that are part of us and
identify us. They are generally things that aren’t easily changeable. Our race,
our heritage, our physical appearance, our mental capacities, our name, etc.
are part of our identity. Our desires, attractions, and preferences could also
be classified as part of our identity, especially if they are consistent and unchanging.
But our behaviors, things we do out of a conscious choice, are hardly our
identity. Regarding sexual behaviors, if Mr. X is known for seeking out
prostitutes on a regular basis, does that become his identity? What if he only
does it once? In either of these cases, he has not become prostitution; it’s
not his identity. It is his behavior. But in much of the public discourse it
seems that sexual relations with the same sex are erroneously deemed as part of
a person’s identity. And of course, attacking part of someone's identity can be upsetting and hurtful.
“Gay.” Part
of what leads to the identity issue, is the definition of “gay.” If people have
same-sex attractions but don’t have sex with anyone, they are labeled gay. The
better term here would be SSA (same-sex attracted). The word “gay” also includes
those who have same-sex sexual relations. In effect, the definition blurs the line
between attractions that one can’t control and behaviors that a person can
control.
Sex vs. Love.
President Obama (and likely many others) has used the expression “whom they
love” regarding gay people in the military, suggesting that we shouldn’t make
any distinctions based on “whom they love.” Certainly we can all agree that
people shouldn’t be limited or separated because of whom we love, when love
means genuine caring and concern for another person. Loving people in this way
is the goal of many religious groups. But when we talk of gay people, the issue
is whom they are having sex with, not whom they love. If a man cares for and
helps other men, or if a woman cares for and helps other women, nobody condemns
the action or calls them gay. As well, nobody condemns a parent for loving a
child. It is within the context of sexual relations that issues arise in either
case. Obscuring the distinction between love and sex appears to be an attempt to
conceal the truth and silence opposition.
In truth, we all have various attractions and desires, some
of which may be unacceptable. No one should be put down for merely finding that
they have a desire. It’s how we handle our desires and impulses that shows our
character. It’s what we do that shows whether we keep our passions in their
proper place or not.
