Say "No" to Suicide

Why does a young girl have to die, taking her own life? She was only 19, my daughter’s friend. I don’t know much about the reasons why. Perhaps now she no longer feels whatever hurts and suffering may have led to this. But what did she unknowingly give up in life? There’s a future that will never be written. As well, there will always be an empty place in the lives of her family and friends.

But this isn’t just an individual problem, not just one person who lost hope. This is a societal problem. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) web site, in 2010 there were 38,364 reported deaths by suicide in the U.S. If that number isn’t high enough to warrant our attention, the web site also says that 464,995 people that same year visited a hospital for self-inflicted injuries, many of which were attempts at suicide. Suicide.org reports the rate of attempted suicides for 2001 as approximately 750,000 per year. The site further says that an estimated 5 million people in the U.S. have attempted suicide (as of 2001).

Many risk factors and causes have been given for suicide. Among them is mental illness. AFSP’s web site says mental illness is one of the most frequently cited risk factors. But they also point out that most “people with mental disorders … do not engage in suicidal behavior.” It’s not just a case of mental illness causing the problem. The site also lists environmental factors that increase suicide risk for those who have risk factors. Among these are, “Prolonged stress due to adversities such as … serious relationship conflict, harassment or bullying.” Among protective factors that lower the risk of suicide are, “Positive connections to family, peers, community, and social institutions such as marriage and religion that foster resilience.” It is clear from these points that associations and connections with people can contribute to or diminish a person’s well being.

In the book, “How Full is Your Bucket?” the authors, Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton, introduce the subject of their book by describing the  results of a case study of American soldiers detained in a POW camp in North Korea, during the Korean War. Although the reported rates of physical torture and abuse were much lower than in other POW camps, the death rate among these Americans was quite high. American deaths in North Korean camps were as high as 38%, “the highest POW death rate in U.S. military history.” The chapter then reveals how this happened: the captors systematically attempted to “’deny the men the emotional support that comes from interpersonal relationships.’”

They used four tactics that tore down the soldiers’ will to live. First, they encouraged the soldiers to inform on their fellow soldiers in exchange for small gifts or favors. The captors didn’t punish anyone as a result. They were only interested in breaking the bonds between the men. Second, they would gather the soldiers together and have “group discussions” where each soldier was to tell in front of the other soldiers all the bad things he had done and all the good things he could have done, but didn’t. This undermined goodwill between soldiers as well as self-esteem. Third, they slowly attempted to undermine the soldiers’ allegiance to their leaders. And fourth, the captors withheld all incoming mail with positive news, encouraging words, etc. while readily passing on any mail with hurtful news, such as a death in the family, news of a spouse giving up on waiting for the soldier’s return and remarrying.

Clearly, this case gives strong evidence of the power of human interaction. We need each other. We can’t just unthinkingly be harsh or rude, condemning or ridiculing, without some negative consequence to individuals and society. We can’t legitimately say, “that’s your problem.” We all have a moral duty to be kind to others, to be respectful, to help out, to love people. No matter who a person is, no matter what they have done wrong, all people deserve to be treated with dignity, as someone who matters. Even simple things like greeting or smiling at someone can express caring and concern—the ingredients of love for people. Loving people can be displayed through a lot of different attitudes and actions. Sometimes, we may not be aware of how far we are from loving people. 

Perhaps it is a good idea to evaluate our own lives to discover how we may be contributing to the gradual destruction of another human being. Here are a few questions to start the process:

-          - Are we pushing our children too hard to achieve some ideal that only exists in our minds? 

      - Do we tolerate others’ weaknesses or condemn weak people?

-          - What about subordinates at work? Do we recognize that each employee deals with different challenges, or do we drive them to just get the job done like their coworkers?

-         - Do we threaten or demean people, and make them feel like nothing?

-          - Do we attempt to define people’s worth by how much money they make?

-          - Do we look down on people because their work seems beneath us?

-          - Do we gossip and back-stab?

-          - Are we road hogs or courteous drivers?

-          - Do we ignore people who want or need our attention?

-          - Do we forgive those who hurt us or hold an endless grudge?

-          - Do we apologize when we’ve hurt someone else or just figure they’ll forget?

-          - Do we pass by the beggar because “he messed up his own life”?

-          - Do we remember that life is hard for all of us and we all need other people’s help, not condemnation?

-          - Do our words and actions build people up or tear them down?

Sometimes people ask why God doesn’t stop all the things that hurt people. A better question might be, “why don’t we?” Our creator has put in our hands many resources to make our world better. Instead of squandering our lives attempting to prove that there is no creator, perhaps we should take the time to really understand what he has given us. For example, our creator has given us holy books containing his wisdom. The Bible, for example, tells us that one of the greatest commandments from God is to “love your neighbor as yourself.” We could take this idea and apply it or we can choose to complain and say, “It’s just a mythical book, so why believe it?”

This life is about people—not just “me,” but “us.” The question for each of us is, will we make the world a better place with each human interaction, or will we contribute to its demise?